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...OneLiners:

  • Kan man komme for sent til en tidsrejse?
  • Vedligeholdelsesfri: Kan ikke laves.
  • Sig aldrig nej af stolthed og aldrig ja af svaghed.
  • Jeg var også ateist i mit tidligere liv.
  • Oxymoron: ansvarlig politiker.
  • Altid og aldrig -to ord du altid skal huske aldrig at bruge.
  • Giver ingen mening, mening?
  • Hvor mange handsker har du i dit handskerum?
  • Jeg ved, du tror, du forstår, hvad du tror, jeg sagde, men jeg er ikke sikker på, om du er klar over, at hvad du har hørt, ikke er, hvad jeg mente.
  • Når 2 deler et ansvar, bliver der højst 1% til hver.
  • Sikreste måde at holde børn fra kogende vand: tilsæt tallerkener.
  • Består et diagram af 2 monogrammer?
  • Hvorfor trykker man "Start" når man stopper Windows?
  • Alle veje fører to steder hen.
  • Hvis dit eneste værktøj er en hammer, har du en tendens til at se alle problemer som søm.
  • Kunst er bare arbejde, at sælge det er kunsten.
  • Alt er muligt -men ikke sandsynligt.
  • Cølibat er ikke arveligt.
  • Hvorfor hedder det en bygning når den er færdig?
  • Modsig aldrig kvinden, hold en pause, og hun modsiger sig selv.
  • Overvægtige er dårlige tabere.
  • Kildekritik: pre-FOX disciplin udøvet af journalister.
  • Hvad sker der hvis man går den forkerte vej igennem en stargate?
  • Æg formerer sig ved klækning af kyllinger.
  • Hvor mange grader går der på en hel celsius?
  • Hvis midgårdsormen bider sig i halen -hvor lang tid går der så før den "siger av"?
  • Forskning: -hyppig årsag til kræft hos rotter.
  • Hvilket ord bliver kortere når du tilføjer 3 bogstaver?
  • Ikke menneskeliggør computere. De hader det!
  • 8 timers arbejde, 8 timers søvn -den perfekte kombination.
  • Et tomt hoved er sværere at fylde noget i.
  • Man skal ikke sparke til nogen, når man ligger ned.
  • Alt hvad du kan forestille dig er virkeligt -Picasso.
  • Konservativ og idiot betyder begge lav entropi.
  • Sandheden er svær at finde og endnu sværere at skjule.
  • Hvor ofte styrter jeres fly ned? -Kun een gang.
  • Det lykkedes oftest for dem der ikke ved det er umuligt.
  • Hvor dumhed og grundighed mødes, opstår administration -Hassencamp.
  • Er der speciel rask-parkering til handicap-OL?
  • De sletteste mennesker giver ofte de bedste råd.
  • Var der ikke Lov i Landet, da havde den mest, som kunde tilegne sig mest -Jyske lov.
  • Ateister er utrolige!
  • Prøv at gøre ting i kronologisk orden. Det er mindre forvirrende.
  • Fanatisk: Kan ikke skifte mening og vil ikke skifte emne.
  • Oxymoron: politisk korrekt.
  • Alzheimer deja vu: Syntes jeg har glemt det her før...
  • Græsset er grønnere på den anden side. -Men mit er højere.
  • De dyreste eksperter er enige med sponsoren.
  • Hvis du søger en lige linje, så spørg kun efter 2 punkter.
  • Er bigami ulovligt hvis man er skizofren?
  • Gælder garantien hvis man kommer til at trykke på "break"-tasten?
  • Troende = ikke mistroisk = ligeglad.
  • 1/2 masse * hastighed ^ 2 = forkørselsret.
  • Slipper en tyv billigere hvis der er udsalg?
  • Når jeg en gang skal dø, vil jeg gerne sove stille ind ligesom min onkel -ikke råbe og skrige ligesom hans passagerer.
  • Ikke så ringe sagde manden. -Han sigtede efter hunden og ramte svigermor.
  • Ingen tro kan modstå Occam's klinge.
  • Burde det ikke kun koste 1/63 at forsikre en kat end en hund?
  • Hvor mange tænder er der i en tube tandpasta?
  • Ordet islam betyder underkastelse. Afledt af 'aslama: "at overgive sig".
  • Hvordan øver man sig til en blodtest?
  • Er dette et godt spørgsmål?
  • Busser stopper på en bus station, tog på en tog station. Jeg har en arbejdsstation.
  • Faktum: Løgn gentaget 100 gange på FOX.
  • Pentium er nummer 0.9998782345 i performance.
  • Drop pessimismen -det virker ikke!
  • Hvorfor hedder det gæstfri? -Burde det ikke være omvendt?
  • Bør man aflyse et møde for synske?
  • Brug Placebo! -verdens mest gennemtestede medicin.
  • Behov = 1,1 * hvad andre har.
  • De sagtmodige skal arve jorden. -Hvis det er i orden for dig.
  • Søvn er bare en dårlig efterligning af koffein.
  • En gennemsnitlig person har en nosse og en pat. Hvorfor skulle jeg så tro på statistikker?
  • Godt jeg er den bedste til at være objektiv.
  • Ved hvad "POKE 53280, 0" betyder -er det så en god eller en dårlig hukommelse?
  • Lovligt og rigtigt er ikke det samme.
  • 10 ud af 5 læger syntes det er OK at være skizofren.
  • Snæversyn: at kunne se igennem et nøglehul med begge øjne samtidig.
  • Hasbara = Bullshit.
  • At slå tiden ihjel er selvforsvar.
  • Udtryk dig aldrig klarere end du tænker. -Niels Bohr.
  • Gradbøjning: dumhed, uvidenhed, religion.
  • Sandhedsværdien er omvendt proportional med nyhedsmediets aktiekapital.
  • Hvordan kommer man af på en non-stop flyvning?
  • Tyngdekraften får mig altid ned på jorden igen.
  • Arbejd hårdere! -millioner af offentligt ansatte er afhængige af dig.
  • Genfødt... -Hvor mange navler har man så?
  • Lav en fejl af og til - det bringer glæde til så mange.
  • Alzheimer: Mød nye mennesker hver dag.
  • Kan universer være parallelle?
  • Den bedste chef er den, der har fornuft nok til at vælge gode medarbejdere til at gøre arbejdet, og selvbeherskelse nok til at lade være med at forstyrre dem, mens de gør det.
  • Godt nok er det bedstes fjende nr. 1.
  • Subjektivitet er at aflæse et solur ved hjælp af en lommelygte.
  • I starten var der intet -så eksploderede det... -MICHAEL!!(min søn).
  • Problemet med one-liners:
  • To teach is to learn.
  • It's the guns, stupid. -Cenk Uygur.
  • War never decides who is right, -only who is left.
  • If Wall-Mart is lowering prices every day, why isnt anything in the store free yet?
  • The two rules of success: 1. Don't tell everything you know.
  • Is a "decider" and a "dictator" not the same thing?
  • If at first you don't succeed...forget skydiving.
  • The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average number of legs. -E. Grebenik.
  • Stop killing Judas! -Terminator III.
  • No, no, you're not thinking, you're just being logical -Niels Bohr.
  • Your enemy is ruling your country - Bush.
  • When it comes to thought some people stop at nothing.
  • Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand! -Homer.
  • Welcome change as the rule, -but not as your ruler.
  • Same shit, different Bush.
  • Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
  • Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.
  • # of Americans:298,444,215. # of Terrorists: 6,306,564,718.
  • Murphy was an optimist.
  • Fool-proof implies a finite number of fools.
  • Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.
  • If he cannot pronounce "nuclear" then he should not be around that button.
  • Ask not what the country can do for you, but what it has done to you.
  • Common sense isn't.
  • Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else -Homer.
  • There's no future in time travel.
  • If Bush is alone in a room, is anyone there?
  • Page your sysop at 3am -and learn new words.
  • Relief re-leef': what trees do in the spring.
  • Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
  • What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? -I don't know and I don't care.
  • OnLine: drunk driving test.
  • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  • He who hesitates is probably right.
  • 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  • You're never too old to learn something stupid.
  • If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
  • Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
  • How can you tell if a Windows PC is broken?
  • When everything comes your way, you're in the wrong lane.
  • Never say, "I don't know." Share your guesses.
  • Failure is success if we learn from it -Malcolm Forbes.
  • I had an IQ test. The results came back negative.
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
  • Doppler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
  • Bomb Texas. They have oil!
  • A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
  • If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
  • I always wanted to be somebody, but I guess I should have been more specific.
  • Never answer an anonymous letter.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
  • If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed towards you.
  • Oxymoron: chili.
  • Hiroshima-45, Chernobyl-86, Bush-88, Windows-95, Bush-2000/2004, Windows-10, Trump-16 -exponentially getting worse.
  • Random number generation is too important to be left to chance.
  • Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy -Homer.
  • Gun Control: Use both hands.
  • As easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841.
  • What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.
  • Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
  • No one is listening until you make a mistake.
  • You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try' -Homer.
  • Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
  • They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.
  • Confucius say: Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient.
  • You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame someone else, and move on.
  • NO MORE BU__ SH__.
  • The "abort()" function will from now on be replaced by "prolife()."(R).
  • Warning! -It's a Sony.
  • Heisenberg may have been here.
  • Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that -Homer.
  • Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
  • Veni, Vidi, Visa: I Came. I Saw. I Shopped.
  • Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says.
  • Any ship can be a minesweeper... once.
  • New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group.
  • New Vaccine May Contain Rabies.
  • There is no such thing as a hole on your side of the canoe.
  • Young man knows the rules, the old the exceptions.
  • Incontinence Hot line... Can you hold please.
  • What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
  • Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
  • There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
  • Dyslexics of the world, untie!
  • When in doubt... -say "terrorist".
  • Welcome to Texas. Please set your clocks back 300 years.
  • I am Pentium of Borg. Division is futile. You will be approximated.
  • Clones are people 2.
  • Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead.
  • Borg virus detected. (A)ssimilate? (Y/y).
  • FOX is stranger than fiction.
  • With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
  • Hit any user to continue.
  • All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power.
  • FOX -Breaking news since 1996 -Switch channel to fix problem.
  • RUNTIME ERROR 6D at 417A: 32CF: Incompetent user.
  • Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.
  • Once again the solution will be revealed by a burning Bush.
  • Brainstorm: epilepsy.
  • A politician will do anything to keep his job -even become a "patriot".
  • But I thought it was in-flammable!
  • Semantic error realizing ethical perception in command within political agenda.
  • We are what we eat! - mmm, nuts!
  • I see dumb people.
  • Headline: War Dims Hope for Peace.
  • Oh, they have Internet on computers now.
  • The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
  • Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
  • Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
  • Bacon & eggs - Hens are involved but pigs are committed.
  • Only the paranoid survive.
  • Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance. -Bill Maher.
  • Headline: Prostitutes Appeal to Pope.
  • Try our new dehydrated water! Just add ...uh...er...
  • FAT: good thing on your disk.
  • Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
  • Life... MTBF?
  • Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want".
  • Driving Lesson One: Shiny side up; rubber side down.
  • Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors.
  • Oh no, the dead have risen and they're voting Republican.
  • Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
  • Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
  • Semiconductor: part-time musician.
  • If at first you don't succeed, remove windows-boot from /boot/grub/menu.lst .
  • 911 = 25% capitalism + 25% bad engineering + 1% terror + 49% gravity. Therefore we occupy Iraq...
  • Never pet a burning dog.
  • Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right thing.
  • The O'Reilly factor: -1.
  • Semantic error in universe!
  • A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
  • Never say, "I'm game," at a meeting of the NRA.
  • Mind intentionally left blank...
  • Transporter software uploaded to Pentium - stand perfectly still...
  • Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him.
  • Headline: Miners Refuse to Work after Death.
  • PPlleeaassee ttuurrnn ooffff yyoouurr dduupplleexx!!
  • Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
  • NEVER assume your opponent is smart enough not to attack.
  • Back up my hard drive? How do you put it in reverse?
  • You can lead a fool to wisdom but you can't make him think.
  • INSTANT HUMAN (Just Add Coffee).
  • LOAD "windows",8,1.
  • For every logical solution there's an equal and opposite government program.
  • Before you can break out of prison, you must realize that you are locked up.
  • Spock: Please, Captain. Not in front of the Klingons.
  • Windows: the ultimate triumph of marketing over technology.
  • Windows fix: after "PATH=" remove "C:\WINDOWS\CRASH".
  • So fear helps me from making mistakes, but I make lot of mistakes - Steve Irwin.
  • Opteron + Windows = Maserati with the parking brake on.
  • The light at the end of the tunnel is coming from a sign saying "You are here.".
  • The box said: 'install on Windows 95, NT 4.0 or better'. So I installed it on Linux.
  • Reality is for people who lack imagination.
  • If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure -Bush.
  • P: Worf, fire at will! Riker: ARGH!
  • If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything.
  • You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  • Earth first! (We'll strip-mine the other planets later).
  • Alan C. Lloyd killed the electric car.
  • Don't believe everything you think.
  • Paranoia is knowing all the facts.
  • Where the press is free and every man able to read, all is safe -Thomas Jefferson.
  • Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF...
  • ...