Man skal ikke sparke til nogen, når man ligger ned.
Alt hvad du kan forestille dig er virkeligt -Picasso.
Konservativ og idiot betyder begge lav entropi.
Sandheden er svær at finde og endnu sværere at skjule.
Hvor ofte styrter jeres fly ned? -Kun een gang.
Det lykkedes oftest for dem der ikke ved at det er umuligt.
Hvor dumhed og grundighed mødes, opstår administration -Hassencamp.
Er der speciel rask-parkering til handicap-OL?
...ked af at du oplever... -Fejlen er DIN oplevelse, ikke vores fuckup.
De sletteste mennesker giver ofte de bedste råd.
Var der ikke Lov i Landet, da havde den mest, som kunde tilegne sig mest -Jyske lov.
Ateister er utrolige!
Prøv at gøre ting i kronologisk orden. Det er mindre forvirrende.
Fanatisk: Kan ikke skifte mening og vil ikke skifte emne.
Oxymoron: politisk korrekt.
Alzheimer deja vu: Syntes jeg har glemt det her før...
Græsset er grønnere på den anden side. -Men mit er højere.
De dyreste eksperter er enige med sponsoren.
Hvis du søger en lige linje, så spørg kun efter 2 punkter.
Er bigami ulovligt hvis man er skizofren?
Gælder garantien hvis man kommer til at trykke på "break"-tasten?
Troende = ikke mistroisk = ligeglad.
1/2 masse * hastighed ^ 2 = forkørselsret.
Slipper en tyv billigere hvis der er udsalg?
Når jeg en gang skal dø, vil jeg gerne sove stille ind ligesom min onkel -ikke råbe og skrige ligesom hans passagerer.
Ikke så ringe sagde manden. -Han sigtede efter hunden og ramte svigermor.
Ingen tro kan modstå Occam's klinge.
Burde det ikke kun koste 1/63 at forsikre en kat end en hund?
Hvor mange tænder er der i en tube tandpasta?
Ordet islam betyder underkastelse. Afledt af 'aslama: "at overgive sig".
Hvordan øver man sig til en blodtest?
Er dette et godt spørgsmål?
Busser stopper på en busstation, tog på en togstation. Jeg har en arbejdsstation.
Faktum: Løgn gentaget 100 gange på FOX.
Pentium er nummer 0.998548268043495495 i performance.
Drop pessimismen -det virker ikke!
Hvorfor hedder det gæstfri? -Burde det ikke være omvendt?
Bør man aflyse et møde for synske?
Brug Placebo! -verdens mest gennemtestede medicin.
Behov = 1,1 * hvad andre har.
De sagtmodige skal arve jorden. -Hvis det er i orden for dig.
Søvn er bare en dårlig efterligning af koffein.
En gennemsnitlig person har en nosse og en pat. Hvorfor skulle jeg så tro på statistikker?
Godt jeg er den bedste til at være objektiv.
Ved hvad "POKE 53280, 0" betyder -er det så en god eller en dårlig hukommelse?
Lovligt og rigtigt er ikke det samme.
10 ud af 5 læger syntes det er OK at være skizofren.
Snæversyn: at kunne se igennem et nøglehul med begge øjne samtidig.
Hasbara = Bullshit.
At slå tiden ihjel er selvforsvar.
Udtryk dig aldrig klarere end du tænker. -Niels Bohr.
Gradbøjning: dumhed, uvidenhed, religion.
Sandhedsværdien er omvendt proportional med nyhedsmediets aktiekapital.
Hvordan kommer man af på en non-stop flyvning?
Tyngdekraften får mig altid ned på jorden igen.
Arbejd hårdere! -millioner af offentligt ansatte er afhængige af dig.
Genfødt... -Hvor mange navler har man så?
Lav en fejl af og til - det bringer glæde til så mange.
Alzheimer: Mød nye mennesker hver dag.
Kan universer være parallelle?
Den bedste chef er den, der har fornuft nok til at vælge gode medarbejdere til at gøre arbejdet, og selvbeherskelse nok til at lade være med at forstyrre dem, imens de gør det.
Godt nok er det bedstes fjende nr. 1.
Subjektivitet er at aflæse et solur ved hjælp af en lommelygte.
Nordpolen er en magnetisk sydpol.
Problemet med one-liners:
To teach is to learn.
It's the guns, stupid. -Cenk Uygur.
War never decides who is right, -only who is left.
If Wall-Mart is lowering prices every day, why isnt anything in the store free yet?
The two rules of success: 1. Don't tell everything you know.
Kayleigh McEnany - Trump's brain fart to bullshit translator.
Is a "decider" and a "dictator" not the same thing?
If at first you don't succeed...forget skydiving.
The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average number of legs. -E. Grebenik.
Stop killing Judas! -Terminator III.
No, no, you're not thinking, you're just being logical -Niels Bohr.
Your enemy is ruling your country -Bush.
When it comes to thought some people stop at nothing.
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand! -Homer.
Welcome change as the rule, -but not as your ruler.
Same shit, different Bush.
Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.
# of Americans:298,444,215. # of Terrorists: 6,306,564,718.
Murphy was an optimist.
Fool-proof implies a finite number of fools.
Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.
If he cannot pronounce "nuclear" then he should not be around that button.
Ask not what the country can do for you, but what it has done to you.
Common sense isn't.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else -Homer.
There's no future in time travel.
If Bush is alone in a room, is anyone there?
Page your sysop at 3am -and learn new words.
Relief re-leef': what trees do in the spring.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? -I don't know and I don't care.
OnLine: drunk driving test.
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
He who hesitates is probably right.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
How can you tell if a Windows PC is broken?
When everything comes your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Never say, "I don't know." -Share your guesses.
Failure is success if we learn from it -Malcolm Forbes.
I had an IQ test. The results came back negative.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Doppler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Bomb Texas. They have oil!
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
I always wanted to be somebody, but I guess I should have been more specific.
Never answer an anonymous letter.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed towards you.
NEVER assume your opponent is smart enough not to attack.
Back up my hard drive? How do you put it in reverse?
You can lead a fool to wisdom but you can't make him think.
INSTANT HUMAN (Just Add Coffee).
Water the flowers. -Clean the volcanoes.
LOAD "windows",8,1.
For every logical solution there's an equal and opposite government program.
Before you can break out of prison, you must realize that you are locked up.
Spock: Please, Captain. Not in front of the Klingons.
Windows: the ultimate triumph of marketing over technology.
Windows fix: after "PATH=" remove "C:\WINDOWS\CRASH".
So fear helps me from making mistakes, but I make lot of mistakes -Steve Irwin.
Opteron + Windows = Maserati with the parking brake on.
The light at the end of the tunnel is coming from a sign saying "You are here.".
The box said: 'install on Windows 95, NT 4.0 or better'. So I installed it on Linux.
Reality is for people who lack imagination.
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure -Bush.
Are YOU necessary?
Pride, commitment, teamwork -words we use to get you to work for free.
Take back the meaning of freedom.
I think, therefore I'm dangerous.
One honest journalist: Muntadar al-Zaidi.
Sorry, I never apologize.
In order for nonviolence to work, your opponent must have a conscience.
Death to necrophilia.
Life should be Open Source.
There's no place like 127.0.0.1.
Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
Only boring people get bored.
Life should have a purpose, however meaningless.
Correlation is not Causation.
Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel.
Down with propaganda!
I have become more optimistic and now believe that things could get worse.
Bush's work cannot be underrated.
So you're a feminist... Isn't that cute!
I was ashamed of myself when I realised life was a costume party and I attended with my real face. -Franz Kafka.
Thinking is the last thing on my mind!
If it happens, it must be possible.
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
Next week I'm going to have an MRI to find out if I have claustrophobia.
I bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.
If at first you don't succeed -try management.
One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
I think therefore I am (not a Republican...).
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
P: Worf, fire at will! Riker: ARGH!
If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Earth first! (We'll strip-mine the other planets later).
Alan C. Lloyd killed the electric car.
Don't believe everything you think.
Paranoia is knowing all the facts.
Where the press is free and every man able to read, all is safe. -Thomas Jefferson.
The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. -Anatole France.
Maybe it's time to get uncomfortable. -Amber Ruffin.
The vranyo smell is strong in Kremlin.
Large Language Models are like parrots: they regurgitate text without understanding it.
Don't let my facts Interfere with Your opinions.
...then faith is the willingness to have faith in truth. -Jordan Peterson.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius.
Our evolutionary impulses can be easily hijacked. -Jeff Bridges.
When will humans shift from being exploited to being excluded?